FALLING.

And then one day, she taught me how easy it is to fall in love and sometimes, no matter how much you try, it is going to escape through your helplessness. You could blame it on fate or learn to live with the pain but that love would never again be as reckless as the one that left you scathing.
I have often heard people saying how nothing lasts forever – about the redundancy of everything that has materialized. Though it doesn’t make sense, sometimes, as an afterthought, I have realized that  some human emotions are rather necessary to keep the world up and running.
But, though they are absolutely necessary, why is it then that we are scared, scared of so many different things, one of them being – scared to fall. Be it the first time you began to walk or the the time you wanted to love but didn’t – the fear of that eventual fall is always on the back of our minds. But, sometimes all you need is to take a step forward and for all you know, the next moment, you might even have begun to fly. All you have to do is to give it a shot and believe in it.
The problem with us is that we let things go. We don’t do stuff just because of the nuances of the society. That is something which should never happen, because this life is yours and there’s no going back to the things you couldn’t or didn’t do when you had the chance to and when it comes to the society, well, people will always have a say about the things you take up. There are always going to be opinions; mostly equal to the number of people around you or even more if you are around a confused soul who cannot have a single opinion about something and some consequences may happen to go against the tide. But then, at the end of it all, none of it shall matter – NONE except the voice within.

LET GO.

There is a certain philosophy I have seen people follow. I have seen relationships break. And I have seen lives falling apart. The reason may seem too complex to decipher but the truth is rather always simple – WE NEVER FORGET.

How often do we see things happen because somebody has a personal vendetta to satisfy? I wonder if it’s human to keep grudges for life and eventually, die with them. It doesn’t take long for us to decide that we never want to see that face again. There is an inherent belief in the concept of revenge. While it is certainly plausible to revert back when you are under the rock, is it equally reasonable to wait for years before getting back to avenge something that happened almost a lifetime ago?
From what I’ve been through, the pain of keeping a grudge does not do any harm to the person it is intended towards but rather dissolves itself within, slowly closing in, and choking us instead.

It is not easy to let go. And forgiveness may not always  be the right trait to have. Yet, sometimes you need to trade forgiveness for peace. Because, the problem with us is that we never forget. And, sometimes it’s the only thing that could heal our scars.

SADIST.

I am a sadist. But before you take up your sticks to come and beat me to death, let me  clarify — I am no criminal who likes inflicting pain on a person. No, I am too fragile a body for that. I am a sadist who revels in sorrow. Unlike joy with all the radiance around, sorrow is lonely. And sorrow is real.

Pain attracts me. It abides by a raw, uninhibited feeling of helplessness and that makes it all the more beautiful to feel. A person in pain is vulnerable. And vulnerability is weakness. Say a few kind words to a man who is suffering and he will flood you with bouts of gratitude.


It is in grief that a man his own real self. You get to see a being devoid of the thousand masks that he sports. Unlike joy, grief tears everything apart. And in the devastation that follows, I get to see a naked man; a picture of his real self that he so carefully hides. This face of his has a lot to say and these are not all words of sugar.

Sadism is often, a shunned form of art. And that is amusing. For, most of the artists there are exponents of this form. Do they not absorb the melancholia around them and turn them into countless tales of valor? A poet watches the death of a man and writes about the soul escaping into a beautiful abyss of nothingness. But, does he really know if it does? What if, death is but the end with no beginning to look up to?

We all are afraid of realism. And honesty is an overrated disaster. As much as you love talking about how the truth sets you free, it does not. I have been a victim. The glory of truth lies inside the pages of those paperback fantasies that do not exist. That is where it begins. And that is where it ends. And away from all these sweet tales of joy marred with lies, I revel in sorrow. Sorrow is lonely. And sorrow is real.

Growing Up. 

Today, when I was searching for a book in the cupboard, I randomly stumbled across a journal of mine in which I used to write as a kid. There were a lot of cute, innocent little poems that I’d written back then, but, there was one poem which caught my attention. It was something along these lines :

Here I’m today,
Alone and lonely in this big large world,
having none out there to show some love
and none to fill it with care.
But, when I look back at the past,
the hundreds and thousands of memories
come rushing by as a pleasant surprise.
Those memories are divine,
but now when I think of them,
my heart whines.
Time has changed and so have I,
hundreds of events have flown by,
all the good things that come my way,
turn into bad,
leaving me aghast at bay.
But, all I do is stand and stare ,
while they come and go,
making me even more insane.
Why am I in such a position today?
Am I the only one to blame for all the things happening to me everyday?
I don’t really know what’s wrong and what’s right,
all I know is that I need to keep my dreams in sight.
Everything that happens, happens for a reason is what they say,
this is a quote I think I need to believe in,
because, truly right now,
I don’t see any other way. 

Keeping my amazing grammar and my poetry skills aside : Sarcasm ( This poem is unedited)  , I don’t really know why a fourth grader, basically , a nine year old would write any such thing. I can’t even imagine how depressed I was while I was blabbering on about it. It was probably just a little fight or something like that.

Well, even that’s not the point. What I actually understood from this is that as we grow up, our problems grow bigger, but, our capability to handle them and manage them increases at the same time. The same things that you cried about as a kid don’t even matter to you anymore. In the same way, the same things that you’re crying about right now, won’t matter in the near future.

So, instead of moaning about our problems, we need to work on them and for that, firstly, we need to learn to face them. Because, more than half the people lose the battle just because they are too scared to face their problems. We need to believe, that though the issue seems terrifying and impossible to solve right now, it’s not really that difficult. All we need is the motivation to fight it.

Because, these very same issues that are haunting us right now, won’t matter a single bit when we grow up. I know it’s hard and I know it’s depressing. But, it’s life and life gives us no other choice but to face what’s in front of us. I’m not saying that we don’t have a choice,  In every situation, no matter what it’s, we ALWAYS have a choice.  What I’m saying is, although we have a choice , running away from the problem is definitely not one of them. And, common, it can’t be that hard. It’s our mind that sets itself to think that it’s impossible to achieve, when it’s so not the case.You can achieve anything that you desire, all you need to do is work hard enough to achieve it. And, Trust me when I say that the amount of satisfaction you get once whatever it’s that you want is achieved or your issue is sorted, it’s worth it all.

Because, after all :  We go through shit, we grow through shit. 

Results Panic.

Well, I’m going to get my Results Tomorrow.
Though I know deep within that it’s not going to be Bad, it just kind of gives me those panic attacks.
You know when you’re so anxious that you start getting Dreams about it all?
Well, something like that happens to me.
I have this weird annual thing of getting a DREAM about Failing in some subject or forgetting to study for it and sometimes reading a different subject in its place . 😂
Well, all These Dreams come only after I’ve finished all my Exams and kind of before my Results.
I wonder if I’m the only weirdo or if any of you guys have any such weird dreams too.